Grateful Acres

I've never liked the label "THE TERRIBLE TWOs". I don't agree with the mindset it puts Mommas in, or the behavior it condones in two-year-old children. So, let's rename it! Age two is often when children really begin realizing that there are options, reasons, choices. That would explain, "why?", "I don't wanna", and "no." Two is when kids become aware of their freedom, and most of them spend a good part of a year intensely testing the limits of that freedom (and their Momma... :) ). I'm working through this stage with my second two-year-old at the moment, and I've had some realizations along the way. When our oldest, Jonathan, was two, I realized how important this year is. Someone told me that "two" is a time of laying the groundwork for the rest of his childhood- and I agree! It's when we most  firmly establish boundaries, consequences, expectations, and most importantly when we pour the mold for th...

Friday, May 18th was Evelyn's first Birth Day! In the weeks leading up to her special day, I spent some time planning how I wanted the day to go... I thought of some meaningful things we could do together to honor her place in our family. I've had so much peace about her short life, and I felt a little excited about the day, in a weird way. On the 17th I began to notice in my heart a creeping darkness. It felt familiar in a rotting, aching, death sort of way. Josh came home from work in the afternoon, snuck up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders, "How ya doin'?", he asked. I'm alright... "I don't believe you." It was then that I admitted that creeping, dark feeling in my heart. I turned in to his chest and wept like I did a year ago. I tasted her death again. The moment passed, and peace began to reign in my heart again. We talked about it later, and realized that on the 17th of last year, I was carrying her empty body inside me- he...

This morning I sat in church and reflected on the last few Mothers Days... A funny tid-bit I realized is that I have been pregnant on Mothers Day FOUR times! My first Mothers day was confusing for my heart. I was 8 months pregnant with Jonathan, and considered myself a mom! Life begins at conception, and a pregnant Momma is giving all her strength and energy to her baby... but not everyone sees it that way. The next year Jonathan was almost 1, and I was 5 months pregnant with Henry. The next year I had my boys, and was not pregnant (haha, you might be a mom if... you measure passing years with whether you were pregnant or not :) ). I thought a lot about last year: last year I was still carrying Evelyn. Last year was such a strange paradox of pain and blessing... I was so surrounded by life in my little boys, and so close to tasting Evelyn's death. I'm so, so grateful that I got to hold her on the inside on one Mothers Day. Evelyn's birthday is this Friday, and I p...