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Showing posts from 2012

the Same

My heart has been taking quite the beating lately... it's been a mixture of leaning in to the hard (normal) things of life (discipline, and finances : P ), hurting deeply alongside people I love, and working through human, messy relationships. The vast majority of my prayers have been asking for truth. It's so easy to get lost in life, and lose sight of who God made me to be, and even to lose sight of who HE is! With each breath I've been asking, "Show me truth, Lord, and remind me of who I am to You..." His answer to me has been woven into my thoughts in my time alone with Him, and has been reinforced by words of truth spoken by others that love Him. He has answered me, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." (Hebrews 13:8) and "You have not come to a mountain that can be touched and that is burning with fire; to darkness, gloom and storm... But you have come to Mount Zion, to the heavenly Jerusalem, the city of the li...

Straining, Striving, Failing

Woah, it's been more than a month since my last post! I've been feeling the itch to write, but my heart (and hands!) have been busy with my children, my husband, embarking into new ministries, and my walk with my Creator has been brewing all the while...  Tonight I feel like the things God has been brewing are steeped enough to put into words ;) A dear friend of mine recently wrote about the tangled thoughts whirring in her mind and heart, and her words rung true with what I've been learning. Often I feel a bit up-to-my-neck in life... sometimes when I'm in the thick of it (which happens a lot, owning a business and having 3 children under 5 ;), the enemy tries to whisper lies to me. He tells me that I'm not capable, that it will always be this hard, he shows me each failure, each corner cut, and tells me of looming, dark clouds that just might be in the future... But here is the truth: God does not see us as a list of failures. The Bible tells us that He se...

Be Still

A couple Sundays ago I sat by myself in church again. Little Roo snuggled into my arms, wide awake and vibrant! My handsome husband was up leading worship, and as his gentle voice rang out to our Creator, my heart began to search for God's. A few weeks ago I asked God to tell me that He loved me, and much to my enjoyment- He did! The response was immediate, before I finished thinking my thought... Psalm 139: 1 O L ORD , You have searched me and known me. 2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. 3 You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. 4 Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O L ORD , You know it all. 5 You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me... The rest of that Psalm is equally as beautiful. I sat still for a moment, pondering how I could have known of God my whole life have it not be until that moment that I heard Him spea...

Beautiful Redemption

This weekend I tasted sweet, sweet intentional redemption from our Father... Last year I went to Women of Faith with my mom and her church. I went expecting to release the last of my sorrow over losing Evelyn. The band Selah was there, and they represent a lot of what happened in my heart while I carried Evelyn. Last year I sat in the front row of our suite with empty arms, bracing myself for the wave of pain I knew I would feel when Selah came onto the stage. The wave came crashing, and my mom wept silently with me over the daughter I will not see again on earth. It tasted bitter, but as I drank in the music, my heart healed a little more. This year as Women of Faith started, the very first song was embellished by petite ballerinas, dancing sweetly and elegantly for their Father. I sat in the front row again, this time with my arms warm with a beautiful little girl that God has loaned to me. This year the wave that hit me was actually more like a whisper (isn't it incredible h...

God's calling

I must start by stating that I am quite preoccupied as I write this... a sweet, beautiful little girl is sitting next to me, cooing and smiling up at me :) I've been rather up-to-my-neck in children lately, but found refreshed joy in raising them after a conversation with a friend. We talked about how we are not to just train behaviors, but cultivate men and women of God... we are to look for God's calling on their lives, and join with Him in that. Here's what I see in my children: We bought the boy new bibles recently- they were QUITE excited about it! Jonathan has always been very vibrant! From his earliest months he has loved people, and music. He is a DO-er, full of energy, questions and ideas. In him I see leadership, intelligence, and a deep, deep capacity for understanding spirituality. Currently I'm training him on how to use his energy in productive ways, and to be responsible for his own actions. He is learning how to lead his brother into good behavi...

Home made tomato soup, and an Epiphany

First, the tomato soup. I love to grow tomatoes, but honestly I don't like to eat them... I don't like 'em raw, and I'm really not big on tomato sauce, either. SOOoooOoo... that leaves our 3yr old primarily responsible for eating two bushes-worth of cherry tomatoes from our garden! The other day I went on a hunt for a recipe that would use up the piles and piles of beautiful little cherry tomatoes that were piling up, and I found this D-lish-E-ous (as the boys say it) recipe: Garden Fresh Tomato Soup It was super easy to make, and everyone loved it! I served it with grilled cheese sandwiches, made from home made bread. I use my breadmaker for the dough, then bake it in the oven ta-da! AND, here's my epiphany: I've been on the hunt for some advice about how to mildly tame my wild little indians- I don't expect them to sit quietly with their hands folded all day, but I've felt that they are often more rowdy than necessary. I also ...

a Moment

 ...know how we daydream of a quiet, clean house, children playing happily, baby snuggling while we sip coffee?...  WELL, after many tears, much training, times of exasperated hide-in-my-closet-and-eat-chocolate... it happened. For a brief moment. And it was worth it. Carry on, hard working Mommas! I've been feeling a bit in over my head, up to my neck in children lately, and God knew I needed a moment of "this is possible!". I know that as much work as it is to enjoy even a moment like that, it is equally as much work to maintain it. And some days everything lining up at once is simply unattainable. But all the blood, sweat an tears are for a great cause, are they not? :) To God be the glory- He is my strength and my song.

Notes to Self:

Remember to enjoy each of your children, every day. Pray for your kids' areas of needed growth, rather than resenting them. The answer to "Mommy, will you play with me?" is always "YES." Your children are depending on a healthy marriage to build their security on. God hand-picked which children to give you, knowing how they would individually teach you about Him. Whenever possible, hold your children while they are asleep... Someday way too soon you will miss the thin layer of toys your house is currently covered in. Cleanliness, tidiness, quietness and solitude have significantly less value than happiness, healthiness, peacefulness and fun! The dishes will wait while you "play cars". Kids don't mind wrestling on "dirty" floors. Boys will wear their favorite basketball jersey over and over, whether you're caught up on laundry or not. Stop and stare, as often as you see fit... because each moment passes too quickly. Watch y...

My week, and some thoughts

Ruby Anjuli, 5 days old I have a brand new baby! Here's the story of the last week or so: On Wednesday of last week, Henry was playing on his scooter on the driveway, and fell. He cried an "I AM REALLY HURT" cry, instead of his usual "I'm sad that I fell" cry... I took note of his tone and inspected him for bumps and bruises. He didn't have any scrapes from his cement landing pad, but he did keep telling me that his wrist hurt on the inside : uh-oh... He napped normally (aside from falling asleep holding his wrist...), and seemed fine when he woke up. However, he fell again after dinner that evening, and again cried that different cry. This time a bluish tint appeared on his wrist, and I scheduled an appointment with his doctor for the next morning. Thursday: Our Doctor sent us to get Xrays (which Jonathan was QUITE curious about!). Dad came with us since I couldn't join him in the xray room due to Ruby being in my belly. It was a bonding exp...

Suit Up

Meet Iron Man 1 and Iron Man 2. :) The boys are full-swing into their super-hero years! Henry has "hulk SMASH!" gloves, and Jonathan has a few Iron man accessories, and their FAVORITE game to play with Dad is Avengers.  They transform into brave and heroic superheroes, battling for justice througout the house! Recently we went to a superhero-themed party, and decided to see if we could find full costumes. Party City was clearing out their Avengers costumes, and we were stoked to find these Iron Man ones for super cheap! The boys tried them on over their clothes, and I watched as their little faces lit up with imagination- they felt SO LEGIT in their full costumes! We let them sleep in their costumes after the party (especially since the little triangle under their chin had a tiny glow stick in it, and it was still glowing at bed time- how awesome is that??), and after their bath this morning they wanted to wear them to church :) At church they ran circles around the gy...

Collection

Hello!  Today's post is just a few random things in my head, my heart, and my home. On Friday Josh found a box of Legos at a garage sale! BEST. $20. SPENT. EVER. My boys of all sizes have been sprawling on the carpet, spending most of their playtime digging through piles of new-to-them Legos. It has been so peaceful, and so reminiscent of both Josh's childhood and mine. I'm really excited for the beginning of this season of hours and hours of Lego time, and it couldn't have come at a better time. Soon Daddy will be home extra to help me with adding our newest member, and soon I will often be parked on the couch nursing, and it has been on my heart to add more activities of this sort to the boys' day. Tonight Jonathan spent almost a whole hour building creations all by himself- I couldn't help but capture a few pictures! I love his deep-in-thought face soooo into his project Hi, mom :) sticking out his tongue helps with creativity... I...

35 weeks, 6 days, and grateful

I'm in the final count-down for Ruby's arrival! I've been writing lists, scratching them off as best I can, swelling, organizing, eating, peeing, rejoicing, and appreciating each peaceful moment I'm given It's been really important to me during this pregnancy that I not get lost in the earthly preparations for this child, and forget to prepare my heart: We know that the daily tasks of mothering are mostly just... tasks- and that the depth of mothering is found in the hearts of our children. Our goal is not to raise people that dress right, chew with their mouth closed, and remember to put the seat down. It is our purpose to cultivate adults that are aware of, able to receive love from and give love to God and others. Breakdown: The end goal of my job as Momma is... ~that my children see, feel, sense God ~that my children's hearts remain soft enough to receive love from God ~that out of the overflow of receiving, my children give love back to God ~that...