Black, bold, mega-sharpie

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I had church tonight. :)

Tomorrow I'm scheduled for nursery, and I had been complaining to God that I was bummed to be missing church. I've been feeling a little drained, like I'm pouring out more than what's getting poured in. I know lots of you identify...

The boys are 2 and 3, and in what I call a "season of intense training". I don't use the terms, "terrible twos" and the like, because I don't see it that way. During this stage of development kids realize that there are options- they test boundaries, and retest them, and find more creative ways to try to get around them... but it's so important that we EMBRACE the training that is needed during this time, rather than just SURVIVE it. During age 2 and 3 we are laying the foundation for the rest of their childhood- outlining clearly, in black, mega-sharpie both what we expect of our children, and what kind of relationship we are willing to offer them. All that to say, I've been shouldering in to this task lately. And since one boy is 2 and the other is 3, I'm leaning in with both shoulders :)  I have moments that I feel like all my persistence is in vain... but then I have moments (usually when I zoom out and look for a more long-term perspective) when I see glimpses of these years paying off. I'm valiantly making an effort to not let my efforts to show my children what is expected of them replace my efforts to show them what kind of relationship I'm offering them.

Anyway, that may not seem to have much to do with church... but in my little chunk of the planet, church (specifically the worship time) is my re-focus, my big bold print reminder of who God is and what we're doing on this earth. It's my time to stand among a community of people that are running the same race, with the same goal in mind. Since this is a time of such intense training, I really feel it when I miss a week of church.  But God heard me, and He gave me "church" tonight.

My family was over for my brother John's birthday, and as the night dwindled, Josh, John, the kids and I went upstairs. Josh turned on some music, and we sprawled on the floor with a whole mound of matchbox cars. Henry parked himself on my lap (any of you that have had him do that know just what I mean- it does feel like he's parking :) ). The music Josh turned on blew me away.  I had never heard the band before, but now they are my favorite! They're called "All Sons and Daughters", and you should totally go get a taste of their music. Beautifully intertwined vocals, and bold, blasting cello :) (aka, a tiny piece of heaven.)

The song that came on first was one of my dearly beloved hymns:

Come, thou Fount of every blessing, 
 tune my heart to sing thy grace; 
 streams of mercy, never ceasing, 
 call for songs of loudest praise. 
 Teach me some melodious sonnet, 
 sung by flaming tongues above. 
 Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it, 
 mount of thy redeeming love. 

 Here I raise mine Ebenezer; 
 hither by thy help I'm come; 
 and I hope, by thy good pleasure, 
 safely to arrive at home. 
 Jesus sought me when a stranger, 
 wandering from the fold of God; 
 he, to rescue me from danger, 
 interposed his precious blood. 

 O to grace how great a debtor 
 daily I'm constrained to be! 
 Let thy goodness, like a fetter, 
 bind my wandering heart to thee. 
 Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, 
 prone to leave the God I love; 
 here's my heart, O take and seal it, 
 seal it for thy courts above. 

I know it's super wordy, but it's so full of richness, and I love it. My favorite part is, "prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love... here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above."

As the music blasted and Henry nestled into my lap, I belted my contribution. John sang, Josh sang, and the boys rested in the peace of it all.

As the music continued on, we gave the boys a bath, and began the process of bedtime. Tonight I had the distinct privilege of rocking my almost-four year old boy to sleep... clutching him, his Teddy, his blanket, and singing along in the dark,

"What can wash away my sin?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
What can make me whole again?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

Oh! precious is the flow
That makes me white as snow;
No other fount I know,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

For my pardon, this I see,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
For my cleansing this my plea,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

Nothing can for sin atone,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
Naught of good that I have done,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

This is all my hope and peace,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
This is all my righteousness,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

Now by this I’ll overcome—
Nothing but the blood of Jesus,
Now by this I’ll reach my home—
Nothing but the blood of Jesus. "


It's so awesome that God is not just at church. It's so awesome that He doesn't always just sit and wait for us to come... sometimes He comes and meets US, right where we are. He is not sitting on a shiny gold  throne, looking down through the clouds at us, measuring what we do and don't. He is chasing after us, wooing His bride, proving His love for us, over and over again until we fall, overwhelmed, in love with HIM. His love is not JUST grace, JUST mercy, JUST compassion... He is so in love with us that He is willing to leave His throne to enter our world, to chase us down until we see it, FEEL it, respond to Him.

Look wholeheartedly for God, my friends... and you will find Him.