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Hope and Joy

Church was super great today. Several families brought fresh babies to introduce to everyone (and we got to visit a just-born baby in the hospital over the weekend!), AND we were told great news of a pregnancy that wasn't thought possible this week! Josh told the church (most already knew through FB...) about our current pregnancy (coming up on 10 weeks!), and we all corporately rejoiced at the flood of life and fertility that God has unleashed on our community! We certainly haven't forgotten about the losses we have sustained, and our hearts remember the ache of the little ones so many of us were asked to surrender. During one of the songs, the background behind the lyrics on the screen was a picture of a little girl praying. She looked 5-ish, had her hands folded and her eyes closed, and her brown hair surrounded her face. My heart went immediately to a certain little brown-haired girl growing up in the presence of her Creator. I remembered vividly the paradox of ache and peace that I walked through in the months that I carried Evelyn. It has been incredible to watch God redeem what He has chosen to. The baby I carry now does NOT take Evelyn's place in any way, but God has been SO deliberate to show me in little ways that He is being intentional with His timing, that He sees my heart, and remains close to me. Here's a few small ways He has whispered his intentional timing: I heard a whisper this summer that said, "six months." Six months after Evelyn was born, we discovered this baby! We found out I was carrying Evelyn in November of 2010, and this baby one year later. Our first appointment with Evelyn was in Jan. 2011, and our first one this time is Jan. 2012, Evelyn's ultrasound was in March 2011, this one will be March 2012, Evelyn's due date was Aug. 9th 2011, and this one is Aug. 1st, 2012... do you see it? I see that He has not forgotten me, that He is lining things up, piece by piece, the way He would have them.
Our pastor talked a couple weeks ago about Joy... Joy is hope, and we find hope in knowing who God is, and in turn who that makes US. Hope is not circumstance, it is the knowledge of God's character, that DOES NOT CHANGE. Hope is that the same God that walked SO closely by me, through the valley of the shadow of death, as I carried Evelyn, whispering His undying love for me the whole way, is still walking with me now! And my joy is not just the abundance of life given to our community (our family included), my joy is knowing the quiet, unmoving, undying, intentional, ever-near love of my God who promised to never leave me.
Many of the people I love (some of you that are reading this... probably with tears because of your own heartache) are still waiting for God to show them redemption in their lives. I know a lot of you have un-answered prayers, and I know some of you are still asking for hope and joy.  ...to those whose hearts are still aching, and joy seems unattainable: carry on with hope, because of the God who walks with you. Hold on to the promises He has made, and cling to the character you know He has. We have nowhere to go but to Him- so run swiftly, with your pain, your confusion, with whatever you carry... run to Him. HE is our hope, HE is our joy... what a mighty God we serve!
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