Grateful Acres

He bumps his boundaries with a battering ram. Each pound is harder, but the boundary remains steadfast, inflicting all the damage of each collision onto him. Abrasions and scrapes become deep bruises and breaks. He bumps the boundaries no matter the pain because he is looking for the edge of his domain. He is looking for freedom and safety, purpose and his name. Her little eyes squeeze tight, and that sweet little mouth hangs open in sobs. She lets her lower half limp and drag, lowering herself to the nearest solid surface. Emotion springs from a tiny prick, cracking and shattering her little vessel with explosions of unnecessary pain. She can't see beyond her tears, so the whole world feels temporarily sour. She, too, needs safety, warmth, embrace. The front door opens, and someone very special walks in. There is no need to call for them- everyone knows. They drop everything, jump down from their places and run! His embrace fits them all at once, sweaty, messy, mop-top and a...

I searched and searched and I simply cannot find in photo form what I saw. This is the closest. The floor was clean and smooth, and indescribably shiny. I was wearing white, and I couldn't see Him, but He was there right before me. He offered his arms and I accepted. The muscles in my back still felt the tightness of holding a sleeping baby, and she wiggled and smashed her nose into my chest. My six year old's feet swung and kicked the chair next to me in time with the music. Every thing and every one else faded and we were all that was left, and that shiny floor. He swept me gracefully, smoothly around in a fairytale dance, singing love over me. My body just rested and breathed, and  I heard only His  voice, echoing deeply through the open room.  I experienced a strange overlap of the spiritual and physical for just a short time during church this morning, and it was beautiful.  The spiritual is just as real as the physical, and I feel MORE alive w...

Time for a family update! Something rather unusual happened this morning. I woke up before anyone else (baby went back to sleep after her early-morning feeding, and I stayed awake), and after I stumbled around our semi-dark kitchen for awhile preparing my coffee, Jonathan came downstairs. The sunrise was beautiful and pink, and it was such a rarity to have Jonathan wake up first. Normally Henry is the first one up, and he's been gifted with lots of volume, so most mornings he wakes up J and almost everyone else :) Sissy often manages to sleep through the commotion of two not-so-little boys starting their day, and likes to lay in her bed and talk to herself, snuggle her zebra, and I think enjoy the only portion of her day that will be quiet and alone. Jonathan and I snuggled up onto the couch for a few quiet minutes. His body is so big now- his head comes up past my shoulder, and his feet stretch down next to mine. His hands are getting rougher, and his arms and legs have young ...

I've been working on allowing God to walk the dusty corners of my heart- places that have seemed foundational, and therefore needed to stay unchanged so that the structure of my heart wouldn't be threatened. As God gently earns more and more of my trust, I allow Him into those places because I trust that the changes He makes will not crush me. I trust that as he walks my dusty corners He will pull aside heavy drapes, flooding sunlight through windows I did not know were there. It becomes a beautiful experience, full of discovery and fresh freedom and light. Somewhere along the line I disconnected between head and heart that God is very, very wealthy. I felt stuck in my humanity, limited by what I, as a human, am capable of. I could only earn as much money as the amount of work I did, I could only reach as many people as I "witnessed" to, I would only be good at something if I put in hard, hard practice hours. Self control became not a fruit of the SPIRIT, but a ...

At church today we were asked to evaluate our hearts, looking specifically for places where we limit God.  A child of mine looked up at me and said rather frankly, "Mom, I don't get this whole thing."  I started to explain, hoping to spark something new in him, and assuming he meant that he didn't understand what we were doing. His deep, deep eyes looked into me and he spoke frankly again:  "Mom, I believe God can do anything ALL THE TIME. I don't understand why adults forget that sometimes. It seems silly, like kids should be the ones that forget, but it's actually the adults that forget. Maybe that's why God calls us His children..." BOOM. Matthew 19:14 Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." When Jesus said that, he meant it physically. There were crowds of people, and often the kids wanted to swarm him. His adult followers tried to kee...

I've been watching as the ranks begin to march in step. Officers arrange their troops, each soldier one by one stepping into their power and authority. The ranks are advancing, the Kingdom is advancing, and I feel the intensity beginning to build. Many things in life come full circle, and thousands of years later I believe the church is moving it's way back around to how it all began... raw, real, unpolished people banding together to relentlessly, wholeheartedly turn the world upside down to match Heaven. One of the anointed and willing stepped to the front and spoke passionate words calling out what he called "unconventional weapons of love". I have a few of those, and I'd love to share. Ephesians 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. That being said: Shame is not as heavy as we think...

WORSHIP while you wait. If unity of vision is what you desire, you must be willing to lay some things down for awhile. Look for the Creator where you are, and you will find Him. WORSHIP while you pray. My sin, not in part, but the whole- is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more! If God can forgive past sins, He can redeem wasted time (He is outside of time!) and missed opportunities, and He can excel stunted growth. You do not have because you do not ask. The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy- ask for the stolen to be redeemed, death to be overwhelmed with life, and all destruction to be mightily restored! Don't live a defeated life. WORSHIP while you watch Him at work. Be still, my soul, the Lord is on thy side... Then sings my soul, my Savior, God, to Thee- how great Thou art, how GREAT Thou art! What a mighty God we serve.

My oh my it's been awhile!  I've been away for several reasons: One, it's difficult to type while nursing. :) Two, there have been only brief, unexpected moments lately where my house and my heart are quiet enough to write. God has been walking so, so closely. So close that I feel Him calling daily, so close that I'm addicted to our time together. It's new for me, this craving Him more than anything else. He's teaching me how to pray like a warrior- with my sword drawn. He's lingering nearby to watch me battle in His name, whispering over and over that He has already won... that I am a warrior not for fear of defeat, but for the shaping of my own heart. And because He won for ME, He wants me to learn to claim His territory. The battle is in my mind: a mixture of daily, REAL things, and thoughts/feelings that don't belong. 7  For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7) I've ...

My boy leaned his warm, wiggly body against mine. He really doesn't fit on my lap anymore, but I squeeze him on anyway. His legs dangle most of the way down mine, and his upper body just barely fits against my chest. The worship team started a new song, and his little hands reached to wrap my arms around his stomach. He wanted to be held tight, and he settled deeper against me. I was singing, and I knew from when I was a child that he could feel the vibrations of my song against his body. Something about holding your child during worship makes the whole scene more vibrant... it engages my heart differently than when I'm alone. Then I felt something beautiful against my palm- the vibrations of HIS little voice! I squeezed his chest a little tighter against mine, and in unison our voices (and hearts) sang to our Creator. It was so brief, and so, so beautiful! I was struck by the symbolism of what I had experienced: that must be a taste of what God feels when our hearts are li...

Remember a couple summers ago when I wrote a post about Ruby's birth story, and the week of  emergency room craziness that ensued immediately before? Insane Birth Story, Second Edition: LilyAnne's fluid levels had been low for a month or so, so we were attending bi-weekly appointments to do stress tests and ultrasounds to keep tabs on everything going on inside. Jonathan begged each appointment for me to request that the doctor "get her out" at that appointment, because he just "neeeeeeeeds, to see how cute she is!".  All the kids were with us at our last appointment when we got the diagnosis of "fluid levels too low, go induce", and Jonathan let out some excited yells, "YEEEEESSSS!!! YEEEES!!" Everyone's excitement level immediately went through the roof, and mine was accompanied by a mild amount of this-is-going-to-hurt-so-bad panic :) We took some fun family shots right before going in to document our excitement (can ...

Last month Josh and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary! Some dear friends of ours met up with us for dessert on our night out, and ended the evening by praying over us (it was awesome). They thanked God for the seven years He's given us, and asked Him to bless the next seven. That got me thinking about the number seven... on the "seventh day" God rested. So I began asking God to bless this  year with REST.  In our first year of marriage we moved, got pregnant, and I quit my job. Just barely into our second year we had Jonathan, and Josh dipped his toes into youth ministry. In our third year we had Henry, moved, and bought a business (that year was NUTS!). In our fourth year we began gutting and remodeling a house with Josh's parents. In our fifth year we briefly held Evelyn, moved again, and switched churches. In our sixth year we had Ruby, bought a new machine for our business, dove head first into youth ministry and worship ministry. In our seventh yea...

This has been one strange pregnancy. Baby girl looks fabulous, is measuring to a decent size (and by decent I mean she may be a big one!), and is moving happily and peacefully in her warm, safe space. My body, however, has been on the fritz. The first two go-arounds (haha, get it...) were textbook-boring. My doctor teased me about it each appointment, lovingly, and with deep wisdom. I had some usual aches and pains, weak bladder, swelling, 18-point-turn to roll over at night, but I passed every test, and nothing alarming or unusual happened at all. Raising my boys has given me lots of grey hair already, but carrying them was the least of it! Most of you know my story with Evelyn. Carrying her was more a spiritual season than a physical one. I passed the 28 week mark this pregnancy a handful of weeks ago (28 weeks was when I delivered Evelyn), and thought of her. I looked at my round belly and all that comes with that, and remembered how different her presence inside me was. Her...

I'm sure you've seen birds fly in "V" formation.  Know why? The bird in front breaks the wind, and the flapping of it's wings generates an updraft for the birds behind, making it easier for them to fly. Birds rotate being the front-bird so that each can have a turn working to lead the pack, and have time to rest in the updraft of another.  Birds also have to be positioned strategically in order to gain the updraft rather than the accompanying down-draft. Their wings have to be in sync with each other, and close together. Read about it here, if you like... http://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-25736049 This week my man was a front-bird. He and I have the joy of leading worship together often, and in the days proceeding his turn leading, we feel the resistance. There is so much joy in what we do together, him as the front-bird in worship, and me close behind him- surveying the open sky before us, feeling the support and resonance of the rest of the fl...

Sometimes I walk through the mud. I feel it forming thick clumps on the bottoms of my shoes, and seeping, creeping up my pant legs. After a little while I stop trying to keep the mud to a minimum, and get a little careless- letting the muck and grime splash up on the hem of my shirt. It seeps and creeps there, too, and I start to feel suffocated by it. Finally I abandon all cleanliness and knowingly wipe dirt from my hands across my face, feeling rather immersed and far from a spotless, sparkling bride.  Sometimes the progression from mostly-clean to complete-mess takes me months to accomplish, and sometimes it happens in the first 3 minutes of my day. I know too well the sinking feeling of the first splashes of darkness. When I come to get clean I have another set of choices to make: Do I turn my head down in the sink and splash my face clean... I feel a little better, refreshed enough to move on for a short while before the rest of me cries out to be washed. Do I ta...

  There's something strikingly special that happens in our hearts when a child of our own chooses to rest in our embrace. The man carried his world on his shoulders. The load was heavy, but he is strong. His heart and his muscles ached under the weight as he diligently, relentlessly held fast. The man stepped through the door into a busy, noisy, life-filled living room. His attention was immediately drawn to the smallest child, who did her best to keep up with the rest. She wanted to always be front-and-center, always in the middle, never left out. She was full of life and spunk and mystery. Her little mind and mouth couldn't form words yet, but her eyes were beautiful windows into her teeming, joyful heart. The man bent to the little girl and offered wordlessly to lift her into his arms. She accepted, and up she went- he lifted her many times higher than she could stand on her own, and she felt safe in the strength of his big frame. Suddenly being small felt good, and sh...