Nearly three years!

{Nearly three years have gone by! I clicked on this old blog of mine today, and as I looked at it's single post I was flooded by what has come, gone, and stayed with me over the last [nearly] three years! A few dear loved ones have gone, Jonathan and Henry [my wild, sweet sons!] have come, and my gentle, funny husband has stayed wholeheartedly by my side. What rich blessing I have experienced!

{I want to change as time goes by. Change means growth, learning, and hopefully wisdom! In 2008 I experienced intensely the parallel between God & us, and me and my first son, Jonathan. I understood, in a small way, why God chose to throw all of life in existence out of balance and order, just to love us! ...I would do the same for my children, in a heartbeat. In 2008 I felt joy, grace, and blessing.

{Change doesn't always come by feeling happy feelings, though. 2009 has brought growth by a different means. I was challenged and stretched in that year. My husband and I gave up our living situation to invest in our next landing-point [a house we will rent for awhile from his parents], following God's leading. In Sept. 2009 we had our 2nd son, Henry James Josef. Life moved into the fast lane! I learned to lean on God because I had to, not just because I was "supposed to".

{God always comes through. In 2010 I have seen in so many ways how God responds when I quietly, in my heart, bring my "pack-pack" [as Jonathan calls them] to Him, and hold nothing back. He cares for my deepest, most hidden heart movements. And in that caring, He responds when I let Him. This year I have been seeing God move because I have been looking for Him.

{This picture is November 2010}

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Small Victory

I have a small victory to share with you: Let me give some context... I blogged about the loss of children recently, verbally stomping my feet and telling the enemy that I will have no more of it- and that I have chosen my side and refuse to budge. The children God has given me "on loan" are all so different... Jonathan was an easy baby, and is currently a whirl-wind 3 1/2 yr old- he is FULL of energy, curiosity, music, rythm, he is friendly, relational, deep (yes, deep!), always thinking, processing, talking... He knows about God and that Jesus is real, and he knows that his baby sister Evelyn is safe with Jesus. Henry was a difficult baby, and is an easy 2 yr-old! He adores his brother and wants to be where he is, he gives AMAZING hugs, likes to be held, likes books, connects quickly with people, is caring, noisy, talkative, fast... and still has his innocence. He likes to pray. Evelyn has changed my life more than anything. Her body was tiny, but her exis...

The Snag

Are you tired of hearing about sickness yet? Seems like a swirl of illness has been making its way through all the pods of community around us. Despite all our elderberry and all the home remedies this grow-your-own geek Mama could muster, the germs entered our household too. The big ones were down first, a sister shortly after. Then the Little Bear, and Papa Bear. One sister and I escaped, and eventually even the combination of our introverted selves and a can't-go-anywhere week finally gave way to some restlessness. She began begging to be dropped off at a friend's house, and I think I inwardly begged the same- ha! I hadn't quite counted the cost of it all. The week wrapped up, and the nights settled, but the sour and the "hey Mama"s continued. All of a sudden my heart began to resist. The quiet, restful days had been nice for a little while. I got some projects done that I don't have time for during full-swing school at the table. ...

Windows

I've been working on allowing God to walk the dusty corners of my heart- places that have seemed foundational, and therefore needed to stay unchanged so that the structure of my heart wouldn't be threatened. As God gently earns more and more of my trust, I allow Him into those places because I trust that the changes He makes will not crush me. I trust that as he walks my dusty corners He will pull aside heavy drapes, flooding sunlight through windows I did not know were there. It becomes a beautiful experience, full of discovery and fresh freedom and light. Somewhere along the line I disconnected between head and heart that God is very, very wealthy. I felt stuck in my humanity, limited by what I, as a human, am capable of. I could only earn as much money as the amount of work I did, I could only reach as many people as I "witnessed" to, I would only be good at something if I put in hard, hard practice hours. Self control became not a fruit of the SPIRIT, but a ...

Grateful Acres

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