Nearly three years!

{Nearly three years have gone by! I clicked on this old blog of mine today, and as I looked at it's single post I was flooded by what has come, gone, and stayed with me over the last [nearly] three years! A few dear loved ones have gone, Jonathan and Henry [my wild, sweet sons!] have come, and my gentle, funny husband has stayed wholeheartedly by my side. What rich blessing I have experienced!

{I want to change as time goes by. Change means growth, learning, and hopefully wisdom! In 2008 I experienced intensely the parallel between God & us, and me and my first son, Jonathan. I understood, in a small way, why God chose to throw all of life in existence out of balance and order, just to love us! ...I would do the same for my children, in a heartbeat. In 2008 I felt joy, grace, and blessing.

{Change doesn't always come by feeling happy feelings, though. 2009 has brought growth by a different means. I was challenged and stretched in that year. My husband and I gave up our living situation to invest in our next landing-point [a house we will rent for awhile from his parents], following God's leading. In Sept. 2009 we had our 2nd son, Henry James Josef. Life moved into the fast lane! I learned to lean on God because I had to, not just because I was "supposed to".

{God always comes through. In 2010 I have seen in so many ways how God responds when I quietly, in my heart, bring my "pack-pack" [as Jonathan calls them] to Him, and hold nothing back. He cares for my deepest, most hidden heart movements. And in that caring, He responds when I let Him. This year I have been seeing God move because I have been looking for Him.

{This picture is November 2010}

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Small Victory

I have a small victory to share with you: Let me give some context... I blogged about the loss of children recently, verbally stomping my feet and telling the enemy that I will have no more of it- and that I have chosen my side and refuse to budge. The children God has given me "on loan" are all so different... Jonathan was an easy baby, and is currently a whirl-wind 3 1/2 yr old- he is FULL of energy, curiosity, music, rythm, he is friendly, relational, deep (yes, deep!), always thinking, processing, talking... He knows about God and that Jesus is real, and he knows that his baby sister Evelyn is safe with Jesus. Henry was a difficult baby, and is an easy 2 yr-old! He adores his brother and wants to be where he is, he gives AMAZING hugs, likes to be held, likes books, connects quickly with people, is caring, noisy, talkative, fast... and still has his innocence. He likes to pray. Evelyn has changed my life more than anything. Her body was tiny, but her existenc

How great the Father's love for us...

Evelyn has changed everything. She has changed the way I think, the way I see my boys, the way I approach people, and most importantly she has changed my understanding of the depth of God's love. Yesterday the teacher at our church taught on John 3:16... which I have heard hundreds of times. BUT- yesterday (and today!), and from now on, it means more to me. The verse says this, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son..." WHAT?!?! I've heard that, quoted that, referenced that, but now, being asked to give up one of MY children, I see just a little more deeply how God loves me. Having felt the searing pain of being asked to give up a child, my response is so different to reading again that God CHOSE to give up His only child! ...and for me, the little girl I'm being asked to give up will go straight from the safety of my womb to the permanent safety of His arms (unless God gives us a miracle!). But for God, when He gave up Jesus, He sent Him here, kn

Evelyn Rose

It's time to write about Evelyn Rose. We knew I was pregnant around Thanksgiving 2010 (no test, we just knew!). We waited to tell family until Christmas, and had our first Dr. appointment in January '11. In march we had an ultrasound and discovered we were having a girl! After a couple hours of high excitement and celebration over our coming baby girl, I received a phone call from our Doctor. She had hard news for me- that our little girl was very small, and her brain was not forming right. We scheduled an ultrasound with a specialist, and prayed deeply for a week, for healing. During that week I prepared myself for a miracle, and also reached a place where I was overjoyed to take care of her, regardless of her condition. I did not prepare myself to lose her. At our next appointment we met with a "genetic counselor", and I let most of what she said roll off of me, thinking it would not apply to us. We loved seeing her during the ultrasound- her feet, hands, face, eye

Grateful Acres

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