Grateful Acres

This morning I sat in church and reflected on the last few Mothers Days... A funny tid-bit I realized is that I have been pregnant on Mothers Day FOUR times! My first Mothers day was confusing for my heart. I was 8 months pregnant with Jonathan, and considered myself a mom! Life begins at conception, and a pregnant Momma is giving all her strength and energy to her baby... but not everyone sees it that way. The next year Jonathan was almost 1, and I was 5 months pregnant with Henry. The next year I had my boys, and was not pregnant (haha, you might be a mom if... you measure passing years with whether you were pregnant or not :) ). I thought a lot about last year: last year I was still carrying Evelyn. Last year was such a strange paradox of pain and blessing... I was so surrounded by life in my little boys, and so close to tasting Evelyn's death. I'm so, so grateful that I got to hold her on the inside on one Mothers Day. Evelyn's birthday is this Friday, and I p...

I've been feeling a post brewing for a few weeks now... my words aren't clear yet, but my heart is full enough tonight that I'm going to try writing and see what happens. I'm taking a parenting class through my church right now. I realized recently that I studied theory in college to be more well equipped in music (that and I didn't care about much else :)), I took marriage counseling before getting married, and have been offered birthing classes during pregnancy... but I didn't do much reading up on raising kids before having them :) **and they don't come with instruction manuals** Anyway, I've been really deeply chewing on the concepts and material we're studying. I've been processing and praying about punishment vs. consequences, approach, how things affect kids psychologically long term, how to teach responsibility and grace at the same time, how to be nurturing and firm, and occasionally spiraling into a mild amount of panic that I may, ...

First, I want to express what JOY it was to be near a dear friend as she delivered her first, beautiful baby yesterday... what a privilege to see him (and her!!) less than an hour after delivery, still swept up in the intense miracle of it all! I never get tired of witnessing the first hours :) Next I hope to express some thoughts that've been rattling around my heart for a while. I had a moment of what I'm calling "inner-mom-panic" recently, in which I thought of my sweet Evelyn (who was born 9 1/2 months ago now!). I was thinking of her, and imagining how she must be now- whole, crawling, happy! And then the moment of panic: who is feeding her? who is giving her baths? who rocks her to sleep? WHO IS RAISING MY BABY??  I felt this irrational, desperate desire to ensure that she wasn't alone, unloved, uncared for. I've never had a child that I didn't raise myself... that I wasn't the one peeking in at them after they were asleep, that I wasn't th...

10 weeks, 6 days. Healthy fluid levels, 178 bpm heart rate, moving, kicking, wonderful. :)

Church was super great today. Several families brought fresh babies to introduce to everyone (and we got to visit a just-born baby in the hospital over the weekend!), AND we were told great news of a pregnancy that wasn't thought possible this week! Josh told the church (most already knew through FB...) about our current pregnancy (coming up on 10 weeks!), and we all corporately rejoiced at the flood of life and fertility that God has unleashed on our community! We certainly haven't forgotten about the losses we have sustained, and our hearts remember the ache of the little ones so many of us were asked to surrender. During one of the songs, the background behind the lyrics on the screen was a picture of a little girl praying. She looked 5-ish, had her hands folded and her eyes closed, and her brown hair surrounded her face. My heart went immediately to a certain little brown-haired girl growing up in the presence of her Creator. I remembered vividly the paradox of ache and pea...

Mondays are my cleaning days. I was sweeping today, while my boys played with dry macaroni noodles in little cups at the counter, and I had Selah playing. I've mentioned them before, they are that band that has a really similar story to mine and Evelyn's. Aaaanyway, one of their songs triggered a brief moment of inner rememberance of my recent time of sorrow, and I got to thinking... " (Jesus) was despised and rejected- a man of sorrows, acqainted with deepest grief." Isaiah 53:3 The Message Acquainted:   -having personal knowledge as a result of study, experience, etc.   -brought into social contact, made familiar. ...Jesus KNEW sorrows, grief. It only makes sense that when we are becoming acquainted with sorrow and grief ourselves, that we should run to the Man who was "acquainted with deepest grief"! How incredible, to have the chance to walk SO closely with Him, that He would deeply share the experience of grief with us. I'm so drawn to th...

...It's time to tell the Devil he's barking up the wrong tree. Do what you will to me, I AM NOT SWITCHING SIDES. Hand me the sorrows and loss you have intended to destroy me, I WILL NOT DENY MY CREATOR. I've blogged about this before, but it's time again. There have been too many children lost in our community. Accidents, still births, and lots and lots of miscarriages. It's STILL happening! I know a portion of that is "just life", but the frequency and depth of sorrow we are seeing, leads me to believe that the enemy has his eye on us. I don't know theologically how that all works out,  but I do see a pattern. A dear friend  of mine reminded me just the other day of the times in the Bible when the killing of children occurred: RIGHT BEFORE SOMETHING GREAT. Think of when Israel was enslaved to Egypt. Orders were given to kill all male, Hebrew babies. Lots and lots of babies were killed! But Moses survived and in partnering with God, years later f...

Hi! Today I spent the day with my mom and the ladies from her church, at Women of Faith. Since you weren't there, I thought I'd share my experience with you :) Honestly, I came into it a little skeptical. I SO don't like cheesy, "christian-ese" stuff, and I'm not really into large groups of women crying all day. (Which is not how it was- just to clarify.) I was the youngest of our group, with the exception of one other young mom. Most of the women I have grow up knowing- they watched me grow from pig-tails to bell-bottoms (what?? at church??) to worship team as a teen, to getting engaged... many of them came to my wedding, and ALL of them hear stories about my boys from Grandma. :) The day began with meeting a new member of their group, a woman scheduled to be the speaker for their women's retreat in January. I'll be going as their worship leader, and we were introduced to eachother so that we can start forming a team. She was such a sweet woman,...