Grateful Acres

I've begun this post several times, and I'm just not sure I can get the words out right... it makes sense in my head, so bear with me. I've spent so, so much time watching the people I love grieve. I've watched them reel at the shock and horror of brutal, unexpected loss, which gave way to more loss. My husband and his family have been through now 4 losses in the last 6 years: murder, suicide, Evelyn's still birth, and now they are in the muck of it all again, having just lost their oldest and most respected member. There's no way to describe what I feel as I sit with them in an oddly still room, surrounding someone they freshly lost, all of them still in shock and horror at what they had just seen. There are no words for watching their bodies and hearts wretch with each wave of pain that comes... tall, strong men bent in grief, wrinkled and fresh faces both twisted with pain that will only fade with time. As I look in their eyes, dull and numb with it all, ...

Mondays are my cleaning days. I was sweeping today, while my boys played with dry macaroni noodles in little cups at the counter, and I had Selah playing. I've mentioned them before, they are that band that has a really similar story to mine and Evelyn's. Aaaanyway, one of their songs triggered a brief moment of inner rememberance of my recent time of sorrow, and I got to thinking... " (Jesus) was despised and rejected- a man of sorrows, acqainted with deepest grief." Isaiah 53:3 The Message Acquainted:   -having personal knowledge as a result of study, experience, etc.   -brought into social contact, made familiar. ...Jesus KNEW sorrows, grief. It only makes sense that when we are becoming acquainted with sorrow and grief ourselves, that we should run to the Man who was "acquainted with deepest grief"! How incredible, to have the chance to walk SO closely with Him, that He would deeply share the experience of grief with us. I'm so drawn to th...

Tonight the boys grabbed their blankies and snuggled up next to me on the floor, in our empty room upstairs. The room was going to be Evelyn's room, but now it has morphed into a quiet, soothing place to be: we have some of our favorite antique furniture in it, and on evenings like tonight, beautiful scarlet sunsets come gently through the white sheer curtains. Jonathan laid on my left, next to the window, and Henry snuggled up on my right. In my heart I felt so blessed, so at peace, and I thought briefly of the little pink bundle that was not next to me, tucked under my arms with my other children. The thought was going to be only brief and fleeting, but Josh was sitting on our little yellow couch playing some music through his laptop for us, and he picked a song that jerked my heart a different direction. The song began talking about grief and loss, tears... and then went on, "Nothing is wasted... in the hands of our redeemer, nothing is wasted..." The song went on t...