Grateful Acres

I've begun this post several times, and I'm just not sure I can get the words out right... it makes sense in my head, so bear with me. I've spent so, so much time watching the people I love grieve. I've watched them reel at the shock and horror of brutal, unexpected loss, which gave way to more loss. My husband and his family have been through now 4 losses in the last 6 years: murder, suicide, Evelyn's still birth, and now they are in the muck of it all again, having just lost their oldest and most respected member. There's no way to describe what I feel as I sit with them in an oddly still room, surrounding someone they freshly lost, all of them still in shock and horror at what they had just seen. There are no words for watching their bodies and hearts wretch with each wave of pain that comes... tall, strong men bent in grief, wrinkled and fresh faces both twisted with pain that will only fade with time. As I look in their eyes, dull and numb with it all, ...

...It's time to tell the Devil he's barking up the wrong tree. Do what you will to me, I AM NOT SWITCHING SIDES. Hand me the sorrows and loss you have intended to destroy me, I WILL NOT DENY MY CREATOR. I've blogged about this before, but it's time again. There have been too many children lost in our community. Accidents, still births, and lots and lots of miscarriages. It's STILL happening! I know a portion of that is "just life", but the frequency and depth of sorrow we are seeing, leads me to believe that the enemy has his eye on us. I don't know theologically how that all works out,  but I do see a pattern. A dear friend  of mine reminded me just the other day of the times in the Bible when the killing of children occurred: RIGHT BEFORE SOMETHING GREAT. Think of when Israel was enslaved to Egypt. Orders were given to kill all male, Hebrew babies. Lots and lots of babies were killed! But Moses survived and in partnering with God, years later f...

Hi! Today I spent the day with my mom and the ladies from her church, at Women of Faith. Since you weren't there, I thought I'd share my experience with you :) Honestly, I came into it a little skeptical. I SO don't like cheesy, "christian-ese" stuff, and I'm not really into large groups of women crying all day. (Which is not how it was- just to clarify.) I was the youngest of our group, with the exception of one other young mom. Most of the women I have grow up knowing- they watched me grow from pig-tails to bell-bottoms (what?? at church??) to worship team as a teen, to getting engaged... many of them came to my wedding, and ALL of them hear stories about my boys from Grandma. :) The day began with meeting a new member of their group, a woman scheduled to be the speaker for their women's retreat in January. I'll be going as their worship leader, and we were introduced to eachother so that we can start forming a team. She was such a sweet woman,...

Tonight the boys grabbed their blankies and snuggled up next to me on the floor, in our empty room upstairs. The room was going to be Evelyn's room, but now it has morphed into a quiet, soothing place to be: we have some of our favorite antique furniture in it, and on evenings like tonight, beautiful scarlet sunsets come gently through the white sheer curtains. Jonathan laid on my left, next to the window, and Henry snuggled up on my right. In my heart I felt so blessed, so at peace, and I thought briefly of the little pink bundle that was not next to me, tucked under my arms with my other children. The thought was going to be only brief and fleeting, but Josh was sitting on our little yellow couch playing some music through his laptop for us, and he picked a song that jerked my heart a different direction. The song began talking about grief and loss, tears... and then went on, "Nothing is wasted... in the hands of our redeemer, nothing is wasted..." The song went on t...