Skip to main content

Hope and Joy

Church was super great today. Several families brought fresh babies to introduce to everyone (and we got to visit a just-born baby in the hospital over the weekend!), AND we were told great news of a pregnancy that wasn't thought possible this week! Josh told the church (most already knew through FB...) about our current pregnancy (coming up on 10 weeks!), and we all corporately rejoiced at the flood of life and fertility that God has unleashed on our community! We certainly haven't forgotten about the losses we have sustained, and our hearts remember the ache of the little ones so many of us were asked to surrender. During one of the songs, the background behind the lyrics on the screen was a picture of a little girl praying. She looked 5-ish, had her hands folded and her eyes closed, and her brown hair surrounded her face. My heart went immediately to a certain little brown-haired girl growing up in the presence of her Creator. I remembered vividly the paradox of ache and peace that I walked through in the months that I carried Evelyn. It has been incredible to watch God redeem what He has chosen to. The baby I carry now does NOT take Evelyn's place in any way, but God has been SO deliberate to show me in little ways that He is being intentional with His timing, that He sees my heart, and remains close to me. Here's a few small ways He has whispered his intentional timing: I heard a whisper this summer that said, "six months." Six months after Evelyn was born, we discovered this baby! We found out I was carrying Evelyn in November of 2010, and this baby one year later. Our first appointment with Evelyn was in Jan. 2011, and our first one this time is Jan. 2012, Evelyn's ultrasound was in March 2011, this one will be March 2012, Evelyn's due date was Aug. 9th 2011, and this one is Aug. 1st, 2012... do you see it? I see that He has not forgotten me, that He is lining things up, piece by piece, the way He would have them.
Our pastor talked a couple weeks ago about Joy... Joy is hope, and we find hope in knowing who God is, and in turn who that makes US. Hope is not circumstance, it is the knowledge of God's character, that DOES NOT CHANGE. Hope is that the same God that walked SO closely by me, through the valley of the shadow of death, as I carried Evelyn, whispering His undying love for me the whole way, is still walking with me now! And my joy is not just the abundance of life given to our community (our family included), my joy is knowing the quiet, unmoving, undying, intentional, ever-near love of my God who promised to never leave me.
Many of the people I love (some of you that are reading this... probably with tears because of your own heartache) are still waiting for God to show them redemption in their lives. I know a lot of you have un-answered prayers, and I know some of you are still asking for hope and joy.  ...to those whose hearts are still aching, and joy seems unattainable: carry on with hope, because of the God who walks with you. Hold on to the promises He has made, and cling to the character you know He has. We have nowhere to go but to Him- so run swiftly, with your pain, your confusion, with whatever you carry... run to Him. HE is our hope, HE is our joy... what a mighty God we serve!
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Small Victory

I have a small victory to share with you:  Let me give some context... I blogged about the loss of children recently, verbally stomping my feet and telling the enemy that I will have no more of it- and that I have chosen my side and refuse to budge. The children God has given me "on loan" are all so different... Jonathan was an easy baby, and is currently a whirl-wind 3 1/2 yr old- he is FULL of energy, curiosity, music, rythm, he is friendly, relational, deep (yes, deep!), always thinking, processing, talking... He knows about God and that Jesus is real, and he knows that his baby sister Evelyn is safe with Jesus. Henry was a difficult baby, and is an easy 2 yr-old!  He adores his  brother and wants to be where he is, he gives AMAZING hugs, likes to be held, likes books, connects quickly with people, is caring, noisy, talkative, fast... and still has his innocence. He likes to pray. Evelyn has changed my life more than anything. Her body was tiny, but her exis...
11 comments
Read more

Thank You

Thank you for walking alongside us, and for deeply crying out to God on our behalf. Tonight Josh and I held eachother with shaking arms, unable to breathe in our pain, with hot tears and groanings, deeper than we ever have. God is walking closely with us, teaching us, holding us. Thank you for being part of that. I can still feel little Evelyn Rose, she is still alive and moving- a continued miracle. As I sat down to pass on a little of this to some of you, here in the wee hours of the morning... in my husband's big sweatshirt, still wiping tears and snot on his sleeves (hope he doesn't mind... I'll just wash this sweatshirt before I give it back to him :) ), I had a photo file open on my desktop. I saw sweet little faces. Sweet, perfect little faces. What a joy and a privilege to raise two wild, wonderful boys. They are turning into such buddies, learning to appreciate eachother and play together instead of fighting, pushing, crying. They are innocent, energetic, curiou...
7 comments
Read more

Beautiful Redemption

This weekend I tasted sweet, sweet intentional redemption from our Father... Last year I went to Women of Faith with my mom and her church. I went expecting to release the last of my sorrow over losing Evelyn. The band Selah was there, and they represent a lot of what happened in my heart while I carried Evelyn. Last year I sat in the front row of our suite with empty arms, bracing myself for the wave of pain I knew I would feel when Selah came onto the stage. The wave came crashing, and my mom wept silently with me over the daughter I will not see again on earth. It tasted bitter, but as I drank in the music, my heart healed a little more. This year as Women of Faith started, the very first song was embellished by petite ballerinas, dancing sweetly and elegantly for their Father. I sat in the front row again, this time with my arms warm with a beautiful little girl that God has loaned to me. This year the wave that hit me was actually more like a whisper (isn't it incredible h...
7 comments
Read more