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Who indeed

First, I want to express what JOY it was to be near a dear friend as she delivered her first, beautiful baby yesterday... what a privilege to see him (and her!!) less than an hour after delivery, still swept up in the intense miracle of it all! I never get tired of witnessing the first hours :)

Next I hope to express some thoughts that've been rattling around my heart for a while. I had a moment of what I'm calling "inner-mom-panic" recently, in which I thought of my sweet Evelyn (who was born 9 1/2 months ago now!). I was thinking of her, and imagining how she must be now- whole, crawling, happy! And then the moment of panic: who is feeding her? who is giving her baths? who rocks her to sleep? WHO IS RAISING MY BABY??  I felt this irrational, desperate desire to ensure that she wasn't alone, unloved, uncared for. I've never had a child that I didn't raise myself... that I wasn't the one peeking in at them after they were asleep, that I wasn't the one listening for each cry, and tending to each need.

And then I remembered something. A promise we've been given: there is no hunger, pain, or crying in Heaven.

My little girl must be alright.

My thoughts wandered back that direction a few days later, but I was reminded of a profound moment that I will never forget: in the instant before my Doctor placed the ultrasound wand on my stomach to listen for Evelyn's heartbeat for the last time, I heard a whisper, spoken by my Creator, "She is with Me."

He didn't tell me "she's gone", "she's in Heaven", or "she's with the angels", He said "She is with ME."

The Creator of all we know and more, is caring for my daughter in my place, and took a moment to tell me that Himself... what and honor to have carried her at all!

WHO is feeding her... Who is rocking her... Who is caring for her... WHO indeed!

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  1. AnonymousFebruary 27, 2012 at 2:52 PM

    Amen. You are so dear, Anna.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Laura StoneFebruary 28, 2012 at 10:28 AM

    "She is with Me." Amen.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Mama ThienesFebruary 28, 2012 at 12:46 PM

    Anna. You are a strong and amazing mother. I have continued to think about you and Evelyn every day. Thank you for sharing your world with me and reminding me to never take things for granted.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Mel MellFebruary 29, 2012 at 8:57 AM

    Thanks for sharing your heart Anna. WHO indeed!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousFebruary 29, 2012 at 6:23 PM

    anna, I have tagged you in my "11 Questions" post.

    http://robinsnestquilting.blogspot.com/2012/02/11-questions.html

    Check it out!

    ReplyDelete

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