no subject matter or mission

I've been whispering to God lately that I want to write again soon. It's something I love to do, and I often feel something bubbling inside that when it rises to fill enough of me it spills out onto this blog to be shared. But lately as things stir inside I've felt that writing hasn't been the right outlet. Some of that is that God is teaching me to minister in-person, on-the-spot, in uncharted waters. He's stretching me beyond the comfort of being able to re-read my word choices before posting, and beyond the comfort of processing something with Him extensively before sharing. He's teaching me to have confidence in knowing His voice, and to respond right away without fear. ("teaching", not "taught"... I have a lot to learn!)

This week the urge to write has been stronger, and I've been searching and asking Him where to go. I have felt Him calling, calling, and I come to Him and He doesn't give me any instructions. He calls again and I come again, and He just asks me to rest (which I have to actually write on my to-do lists to get myself to do it!).

So, my friends, I have no subject matter or mission, except this:

The Father wants to spend time with me because He likes ME! He values ME, not just what He can do through me.

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Pendulum

Boy, where do I start this time? I think I will just be sporadic, with excerpts from an email to dear friends, and some thoughts I want to write about while they are fresh. This post may not be for the faint of heart... grab a cup of tea before reading on. I woke up at 6 this morning to some bleeding (not much, but definitely enough to know it was blood). I felt a trickle as I woke up, and more as I stood. I used the toilet and confirmed what I felt. I sat in the bathroom and breathed out loud, "okay..." My head and my heart began to race. We already had scheduled the Dr.'s first appointment of the day, so I got in the shower to pray, cry, and prepare for the day. I prayed that God would walk closely with me. I prayed that God would receive Evelyn with sweet music and roses. I told God how afraid I was of the coming hours, and most fervently I prayed that God would prepare my husband to hear of my bleeding (he was still asleep). After my shower I told Josh, and t...

Small Victory

I have a small victory to share with you: Let me give some context... I blogged about the loss of children recently, verbally stomping my feet and telling the enemy that I will have no more of it- and that I have chosen my side and refuse to budge. The children God has given me "on loan" are all so different... Jonathan was an easy baby, and is currently a whirl-wind 3 1/2 yr old- he is FULL of energy, curiosity, music, rythm, he is friendly, relational, deep (yes, deep!), always thinking, processing, talking... He knows about God and that Jesus is real, and he knows that his baby sister Evelyn is safe with Jesus. Henry was a difficult baby, and is an easy 2 yr-old! He adores his brother and wants to be where he is, he gives AMAZING hugs, likes to be held, likes books, connects quickly with people, is caring, noisy, talkative, fast... and still has his innocence. He likes to pray. Evelyn has changed my life more than anything. Her body was tiny, but her exis...

The Snag

Are you tired of hearing about sickness yet? Seems like a swirl of illness has been making its way through all the pods of community around us. Despite all our elderberry and all the home remedies this grow-your-own geek Mama could muster, the germs entered our household too. The big ones were down first, a sister shortly after. Then the Little Bear, and Papa Bear. One sister and I escaped, and eventually even the combination of our introverted selves and a can't-go-anywhere week finally gave way to some restlessness. She began begging to be dropped off at a friend's house, and I think I inwardly begged the same- ha! I hadn't quite counted the cost of it all. The week wrapped up, and the nights settled, but the sour and the "hey Mama"s continued. All of a sudden my heart began to resist. The quiet, restful days had been nice for a little while. I got some projects done that I don't have time for during full-swing school at the table. ...

Grateful Acres

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