no subject matter or mission

I've been whispering to God lately that I want to write again soon. It's something I love to do, and I often feel something bubbling inside that when it rises to fill enough of me it spills out onto this blog to be shared. But lately as things stir inside I've felt that writing hasn't been the right outlet. Some of that is that God is teaching me to minister in-person, on-the-spot, in uncharted waters. He's stretching me beyond the comfort of being able to re-read my word choices before posting, and beyond the comfort of processing something with Him extensively before sharing. He's teaching me to have confidence in knowing His voice, and to respond right away without fear. ("teaching", not "taught"... I have a lot to learn!)

This week the urge to write has been stronger, and I've been searching and asking Him where to go. I have felt Him calling, calling, and I come to Him and He doesn't give me any instructions. He calls again and I come again, and He just asks me to rest (which I have to actually write on my to-do lists to get myself to do it!).

So, my friends, I have no subject matter or mission, except this:

The Father wants to spend time with me because He likes ME! He values ME, not just what He can do through me.

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Small Victory

I have a small victory to share with you: Let me give some context... I blogged about the loss of children recently, verbally stomping my feet and telling the enemy that I will have no more of it- and that I have chosen my side and refuse to budge. The children God has given me "on loan" are all so different... Jonathan was an easy baby, and is currently a whirl-wind 3 1/2 yr old- he is FULL of energy, curiosity, music, rythm, he is friendly, relational, deep (yes, deep!), always thinking, processing, talking... He knows about God and that Jesus is real, and he knows that his baby sister Evelyn is safe with Jesus. Henry was a difficult baby, and is an easy 2 yr-old! He adores his brother and wants to be where he is, he gives AMAZING hugs, likes to be held, likes books, connects quickly with people, is caring, noisy, talkative, fast... and still has his innocence. He likes to pray. Evelyn has changed my life more than anything. Her body was tiny, but her existenc

How great the Father's love for us...

Evelyn has changed everything. She has changed the way I think, the way I see my boys, the way I approach people, and most importantly she has changed my understanding of the depth of God's love. Yesterday the teacher at our church taught on John 3:16... which I have heard hundreds of times. BUT- yesterday (and today!), and from now on, it means more to me. The verse says this, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son..." WHAT?!?! I've heard that, quoted that, referenced that, but now, being asked to give up one of MY children, I see just a little more deeply how God loves me. Having felt the searing pain of being asked to give up a child, my response is so different to reading again that God CHOSE to give up His only child! ...and for me, the little girl I'm being asked to give up will go straight from the safety of my womb to the permanent safety of His arms (unless God gives us a miracle!). But for God, when He gave up Jesus, He sent Him here, kn

Evelyn Rose

It's time to write about Evelyn Rose. We knew I was pregnant around Thanksgiving 2010 (no test, we just knew!). We waited to tell family until Christmas, and had our first Dr. appointment in January '11. In march we had an ultrasound and discovered we were having a girl! After a couple hours of high excitement and celebration over our coming baby girl, I received a phone call from our Doctor. She had hard news for me- that our little girl was very small, and her brain was not forming right. We scheduled an ultrasound with a specialist, and prayed deeply for a week, for healing. During that week I prepared myself for a miracle, and also reached a place where I was overjoyed to take care of her, regardless of her condition. I did not prepare myself to lose her. At our next appointment we met with a "genetic counselor", and I let most of what she said roll off of me, thinking it would not apply to us. We loved seeing her during the ultrasound- her feet, hands, face, eye

Grateful Acres

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