I recently wandered back through some things I wrote in real-time while walking through some of the tougher parts of my slice of life. In small ways my emotions re-felt each wave... joy, beautiful memories of the boys when they were small, anxiety, waiting, resolve, peace, growth, love, relationship, heartbreak, and the nearness of God. I was the most struck by the nearness and ENORMITY of God.
I read some things that were written from all the perspective I had at the time, and now that those things are over I can see what GOD was doing in the middle of it. He was there, He was active, His heart was as deeply involved in my life as mine was.
I pushed the laptop aside, and flopped back on my couch in the dark, and stared at the ceiling, looking for Him. As His face leaned down toward mine, I was reminded of waves of history, like swells crashing onto shore in my mind.
When my Grandparents were born, He was there. When our country began, He was there. Back through the generations, whizzing backward through time, I paused with Jesus... THEY met in the garden, bonding their hearts together in their commitment to do what it takes to have deep relationship with us, Jesus and the Father. THEY retreated to renew covenant before the trial, crucifixion, and all that happened in the spiritual that was mostly unseen by the physical.
As I kept following, His face seemed wiser, deeper to me.
He leaned down, just like this, to Moses, Abraham, Miriam, Eve. All that history that we read and draw rich, life-giving wealth from, He was there, bending His face toward the ones He loves, just as He bends toward me today.
His form revealed more and greater power, the kind that shakes the earth and all that is in it, both seen and unseen.
He is earth-shakingly powerful, He is beyond time, He is unchanging, never missing a moment or a person.
He is wise and gentle and kind and compassionate, beyond anyone we will ever know.
He leans down, bending all that power and gentleness toward me. The same face that looked kindly toward Abraham looks down at ME.
My heart is forever changed, forever freed and in awe of Him.
His kind and wise face, surrounded by swirling power beyond measure, is the only true source of life and joy.
I can't find a neat, tidy wrap-up tonight, because He is simply unending. I will seek Him, always discovering more, my whole life.
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