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Cave Trolls

   My brain has been absolutely busting with overwhelm regarding the depth and breadth of  all the things my kids need from me. They need physical nourishment and rest. They need a clean home. They need discipleship of heart, regarding both practical life perspectives and spiritual things. They need conversation, and the space to be curious. Most weighty currently is their academic need- I lay awake at night thinking and thinking (should be praying...) about math curriculum and how to help this one over a reading slump, and whether its going to be enough in the end. They need me to be healthy so that the person they are around the most isn't grumpy and toxic. They need my prayers fueling their futures. Beautiful, and profoundly important, it is all so much. 

  A few days ago I was wrapped in a snuggle as far as I could around our little sweaty, squishy four year old. I breathed in deep the smell of his hair, and squeezed his little belly and gathered his legs up into me. He gave me one of his wonderful "smackaroo"s (big squishy kiss), and I gave him as many kisses as he would let me. I was reminded that he needs snuggles from me too, but it was a two-part thought: I also need snuggles from him! So many of the things the kids need feel like pouring out... like giving bits of my self and sanity for a cause I believe in so deeply. There's no regret, but it feels like pouring OUT.  I recognized that snuggles are different, they are a mutual exchange, and I directly benefit too. 



   God speaks of Himself as our father, and boy, do I need so much from Him! I need nourishment and rest, discipleship of heart, conversation, and His attention on my future. And, I have the need to just BE near Him- to sit in closeness, much like when my children need a snuggle. One of my more blunt children informed me that snuggles don't count unless they have my WHOLE attention- no phone, no laptop, not even a book that I'm reading to myself. 

  Do you think God is ever too overwhelmed with His responsibilities to stop and JUST BE with me?

  Do you think God enjoys stillness and nearness with His children?

  Some of our more physical-touch wired kiddos turn into cave trolls without plentiful snuggle time, and I see in myself that a lack of stillness-with-the-Lord presents similar cave-troll tendencies in me too. 

  Why do I do that to myself?? He is always available, always willing, always has enough for me. I'm sure He patiently watches me while I clean frantically, thinking it will help me chill. I know He's there when I'm awake planning and prepping and researching and stressing. Outside of time, He waits for me to "make time" to be still with Him. 

From Psalm 23:

"The Lord is my shepherd; I have what I need. He lets me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He renews my life..."

   While the world is spinning and "deconstructing" and looking for every last "life hack", this is where I want to be. I want to be shepherded by the One that made me. I want to use the resources He has for every need of mine. I want to rest in the lush places He picks out. I want to enjoy the quiet He leads me to, and certainly... I want Him to renew my life!

  I love how His answer is often so much simpler that I expect from such an intricate being. 

Psalm 46:10 

 "He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.' "

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