I've been feeling a post brewing for a few weeks now... my words aren't clear yet, but my heart is full enough tonight that I'm going to try writing and see what happens.
I'm taking a parenting class through my church right now. I realized recently that I studied theory in college to be more well equipped in music (that and I didn't care about much else :)), I took marriage counseling before getting married, and have been offered birthing classes during pregnancy... but I didn't do much reading up on raising kids before having them :) **and they don't come with instruction manuals**
Anyway, I've been really deeply chewing on the concepts and material we're studying. I've been processing and praying about punishment vs. consequences, approach, how things affect kids psychologically long term, how to teach responsibility and grace at the same time, how to be nurturing and firm, and occasionally spiraling into a mild amount of panic that I may, in fact, be screwing up my kids! Sometimes I overthink it all and begin to second-guess things I felt strongly about before, confusing myself silly.
I mentioned I've had some things brewing deep in my heart, and recently they all came crashing together to make sense. Hopefully they make sense to you :)
One of the things I've been blown away by over and over again as I examine the ins-and-outs of parenting is how intensely blessed I am to have the family and childhood that I have. So many women around me carry such abandonment, scars, neglect, and were sent by their parents on such a wrong path... as adults we make our own choices, but I see so many of you needing to make such strong choices away from where you came, and I respect you deeply for it. I don't know who I would be without the jumpstart my parents gifted me.
We never had much money or fancy things (in fact, we're quite redneck sometimes :) ), and our relationships have never been perfect, but my parents were and are both wholeheartedly committed to our Creator. My dad is a teacher, both in the classroom sense, and in the biblical sense. He knows the Bible, knows truth, and teaches it. My mom is a "mercy", and cares/prays for with her whole heart, everyone more than herself. My dad reaches to the Father for his source of direction and truth, and my Mom reaches to Him for her strength, casting her cares on Him. Through tough situation after tough situation, they are unwavering in those things.
My parents didn't parent me perfectly, and who I am today was not formed by right or wrong consequences/punishments given, timeouts vs. spankings, love languages, parenting classes or books, etc (not that those things are totally out the window, but I'll get to that)... the greatest thing my parents did for me was devote themselves unwaveringly to God.
This is revolutionary, because while it DOES matter how we parent our kids, it is not the bottom line. The bottom line is that first we are to chase, with wild abandon, our Creator. He is the why, the how, the reason for EVERYTHING. We MUST know Him intimately for any of this to make sense, and we MUST learn how He sees US so we can begin seeing our kids that way. When we see it like this parenting gains so much purpose and depth, and it becomes an unspeakable honor to be trusted with multiple tiny humans that will grow into men and women either for God or against Him.
So, my friends, let's be all-in.
First, let's rip distractions out of our lives, remove clutter and refocus.
Let's remember who we are: God turned all of existence upside down- JUST BECAUSE HE LOVES US THAT MUCH. And to top it all off, He walks beside us in every detail of life, whether we love Him back or not.
Then, out of the overflow of our response to God's initiation, let us parent our kids- with love, and on purpose. We are not just hanging in there until they sleep through the night, just surviving "the terrible twos" (which I deeply dislike that title, and disagree completely- hand me a soap box somebody!! :) ), we are not just changing diaper after diaper, training this or that over and over, we are not just surviving until they are in school, just growing them into decent adults, and they are not our identity. More than anyone else, they are watching us. They learn more from our demeanor, our choices, and the deepest parts of who we are (which we don't often reveal to them, but they see anyway), than they do from anything else in life.
I'm NOT saying, " Forget parenting classes- love Jesus and wing it!". The details of how we raise our kids are important, and very much our responsibility. I'm thrilled to be taking in new ideas and perspectives, tools to add to my imaginary tool box! Just as believers need eachother for encouragement, teaching, prayer, etc, and therefore we have Sunday morning "church", we need our fellow parents, and we need things like the class I'm taking.
I am saying look to Him first, chase after Him first, get lost in Him first... and God will walk beside us for the rest, both whispering wisdom to us, and filling in where He needs to.
WHAT A MIGHTY GOD WE SERVE!
*Disclaimer: This is what I'm aiming for, I do NOT always operate with this as my perspective. I am very, very human.
I'm taking a parenting class through my church right now. I realized recently that I studied theory in college to be more well equipped in music (that and I didn't care about much else :)), I took marriage counseling before getting married, and have been offered birthing classes during pregnancy... but I didn't do much reading up on raising kids before having them :) **and they don't come with instruction manuals**
Anyway, I've been really deeply chewing on the concepts and material we're studying. I've been processing and praying about punishment vs. consequences, approach, how things affect kids psychologically long term, how to teach responsibility and grace at the same time, how to be nurturing and firm, and occasionally spiraling into a mild amount of panic that I may, in fact, be screwing up my kids! Sometimes I overthink it all and begin to second-guess things I felt strongly about before, confusing myself silly.
I mentioned I've had some things brewing deep in my heart, and recently they all came crashing together to make sense. Hopefully they make sense to you :)
One of the things I've been blown away by over and over again as I examine the ins-and-outs of parenting is how intensely blessed I am to have the family and childhood that I have. So many women around me carry such abandonment, scars, neglect, and were sent by their parents on such a wrong path... as adults we make our own choices, but I see so many of you needing to make such strong choices away from where you came, and I respect you deeply for it. I don't know who I would be without the jumpstart my parents gifted me.
We never had much money or fancy things (in fact, we're quite redneck sometimes :) ), and our relationships have never been perfect, but my parents were and are both wholeheartedly committed to our Creator. My dad is a teacher, both in the classroom sense, and in the biblical sense. He knows the Bible, knows truth, and teaches it. My mom is a "mercy", and cares/prays for with her whole heart, everyone more than herself. My dad reaches to the Father for his source of direction and truth, and my Mom reaches to Him for her strength, casting her cares on Him. Through tough situation after tough situation, they are unwavering in those things.
My parents didn't parent me perfectly, and who I am today was not formed by right or wrong consequences/punishments given, timeouts vs. spankings, love languages, parenting classes or books, etc (not that those things are totally out the window, but I'll get to that)... the greatest thing my parents did for me was devote themselves unwaveringly to God.
This is revolutionary, because while it DOES matter how we parent our kids, it is not the bottom line. The bottom line is that first we are to chase, with wild abandon, our Creator. He is the why, the how, the reason for EVERYTHING. We MUST know Him intimately for any of this to make sense, and we MUST learn how He sees US so we can begin seeing our kids that way. When we see it like this parenting gains so much purpose and depth, and it becomes an unspeakable honor to be trusted with multiple tiny humans that will grow into men and women either for God or against Him.
So, my friends, let's be all-in.
First, let's rip distractions out of our lives, remove clutter and refocus.
Let's remember who we are: God turned all of existence upside down- JUST BECAUSE HE LOVES US THAT MUCH. And to top it all off, He walks beside us in every detail of life, whether we love Him back or not.
Then, out of the overflow of our response to God's initiation, let us parent our kids- with love, and on purpose. We are not just hanging in there until they sleep through the night, just surviving "the terrible twos" (which I deeply dislike that title, and disagree completely- hand me a soap box somebody!! :) ), we are not just changing diaper after diaper, training this or that over and over, we are not just surviving until they are in school, just growing them into decent adults, and they are not our identity. More than anyone else, they are watching us. They learn more from our demeanor, our choices, and the deepest parts of who we are (which we don't often reveal to them, but they see anyway), than they do from anything else in life.
I'm NOT saying, " Forget parenting classes- love Jesus and wing it!". The details of how we raise our kids are important, and very much our responsibility. I'm thrilled to be taking in new ideas and perspectives, tools to add to my imaginary tool box! Just as believers need eachother for encouragement, teaching, prayer, etc, and therefore we have Sunday morning "church", we need our fellow parents, and we need things like the class I'm taking.
I am saying look to Him first, chase after Him first, get lost in Him first... and God will walk beside us for the rest, both whispering wisdom to us, and filling in where He needs to.
WHAT A MIGHTY GOD WE SERVE!
*Disclaimer: This is what I'm aiming for, I do NOT always operate with this as my perspective. I am very, very human.
PERFECT Anna! I'm just sorry that it has taken me so much longer to learn this truth. I am so grateful to God that you can know and share "the bottom line" in your early years of parenting.
ReplyDeleteYou are a breath of fresh air. :-)